True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
