I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
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