The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
