proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
