Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Randomize
