I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
