He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
