Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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