I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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