My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Randomize
