i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
