i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
