i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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