If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Randomize
