Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
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