sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
