Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
