I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Randomize
