we're chasing vodka with high fives
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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