At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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