I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
