So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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