Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
