$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize
