So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
