all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
