Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
