I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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