some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
