we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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