I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
