are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
