when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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