I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
