Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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