Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
