and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Randomize
