No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
