my mouth tastes like poor choices
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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