...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
