I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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