You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
