So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
