apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
