At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
