Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
