There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
