I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Randomize
