So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
