i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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