alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
