You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
